Kate, thank you so much for sharing this. And for constantly being so open about your pregnancies. I need you to know that if you hadn’t shared your first pregnancy online, I wouldn’t have known the symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy and would not have caught mine in time. I went to the ER, had an ultrasound at 2:00 and was in emergency surgery by 5:00 to save my life. This was 2 weeks after they overturned Roe v Wade and I truly didn’t think I’d be properly treated. You are a master with words and this post hits home in so many ways. Now I have my 5 month old rainbow baby and I sat here crying at your post. Thank you thank you endlessly for all that you do. Give Teddy extra kisses from us!
I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again- your pregnancy after loss got me through my pregnancy after loss. (I got pregnant with my son two months after losing a baby girl at 21 weeks.) You articulated a lot of the pain I felt so much more gracefully than I ever could.
I’m reading this a few days after finding out one of my friends just had her third miscarriage. I wish we all knew we didn’t have to suffer alone.
I absolutely loved reading this Kate. Your point about changing who you tell the second time around really hit home. I had a missed miscarriage just before your loss and some people in my life responded in the worst ways possible: platitudes and unsolicited advice about supplements to take despite having zero trouble getting or staying pregnant with either of their children, to name a few. Those people didn't find out until the birth the second time around and I have no regrets. Reading this while cuddling my 18 month old back to sleep has made me feel all the more grateful and cozy in our little bubble. Keep the writing, and the adorable Teddy photos, coming! 💕
This love baby carriage idea really helped me understand why this is so. Freaking. Hard. For me. I think my friends who haven’t experienced it avoid the topic for sure, but I found myself questioning if I am overreacting even amongst my friends who have had miscarriages and gone on to have healthy babies. They seem moved on while I feel stuck. It feels good to know I’m not alone ❤️
You have me in tears about how women saved you. I know we can be all up in each other’s business too much sometimes but man, sometimes we are the only ones noticing when things are going off the rails with our sisters + friends 💕
I’m so glad that you’ve shared all of the nuances of your story here. We share some commonalities - the experience of having to end a profoundly wanted pregnancy, of being subsequently bewildered and enraged by the culture of silence around this topic in which I’d been raised, and of generally being disillusioned with the oversimplified “love-marriage-baby-carriage” narrative. There are so many other initiations worth writing into, celebrating and unpacking besides that, and I’m so grateful that our generation of artist-parents is more than willing to dig into this work.
Thank you so so much for sharing this! Beautifully written and made me cry, especially that picture of Teddy with Cuppy at the end (probably not helped by my 37 weeks pregnant hormones).
I swear Teddy is one of the cutest babies I've ever seen. I love every picture you post of him!
This is really beautiful, Kate! I had a missed miscarriage at 19 weeks on 2/22/21. My son being born in July 2022 made me grieve that miscarriage all over again because I think I finally realized what we missed out on. Don’t get me wrong - I grieved the loss in 2021 too, but it felt more abstract then. We were open about the miscarriage when we were going through it - and we heard a lot of stories about other people’s miscarriages, some from expected places, like my husband’s HS students’ parents. I spent a lot of time reading everything I could find on the internet about other people’s experiences of pregnancy loss as well, and all of this made me feel less alone. I’ve appreciated so much you sharing your story along the way.
This is so beautiful, Kate! Thank you for so beautifully sharing your experiences. I cried reading this several times, for you, for memories of my own pregnancy, for a recent loss. It is so relatable and so important. Thank you for using your voice in this way!
Your words about everyone's experience with loss deserving to stand on its own, void of outsiders speculating on the validity of our emotional response, is SO VALIDATING. I experienced a chemical pregnancy (positive test, pregnancy was lost at before 6 weeks) and I feel like I will often caveat this experience as not a “real” miscarriage, despite me still thinking about that lost maybe-child nearly 6 years and 2 living, healthy babies later. I’ll sometimes refer to my “three pregnancies” to my husband who will invariably look a bit confused for a second (since we just have the 2 boys), and that always stings a little… but then I’ll chastise myself for letting it, or for making it bigger than what it was in light of how heartbreaking other women’s experiences with loss can be. But in reality, that lost pregnancy was ‘more than just a short time’ for me, and hearing you green light my feelings was something I didn’t know I needed. Thank you for always sharing with us! It helps more than you know!
Thank you for sharing this (and everything else that you share!) I had my first baby in December and had a surprise induction turned c-section due to preeclampsia at 37 weeks. I had a BP cuff because of your recommendation and otherwise might not have known when to call my doctor and go in and I hate to think about what would have happened had I not gone in when I did. Thank you for sharing so much and for encouraging us to share with the women in our lives too. What you do is so important!
Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Kate. It is a privilege to read your words about motherhood as I navigate my own experience (Rowan turned 1 on Super Bowl Sunday). I waited to share with most people until I was 14 or 15 weeks and if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again, I think I will tell more people sooner because of all the things you mentioned in this essay. Looking forward to hearing more from you. And can't wait to meet you on Thursday!
So beautifully written it made me cry, Kate!! And I can’t agree more on not suffering in silence!! I had my son just a few days after you had Teddy and have been loving all your motherhood content - please keep writing/talking about it!! And excited to see you Thursday!
Kate, thank you so much for sharing this. And for constantly being so open about your pregnancies. I need you to know that if you hadn’t shared your first pregnancy online, I wouldn’t have known the symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy and would not have caught mine in time. I went to the ER, had an ultrasound at 2:00 and was in emergency surgery by 5:00 to save my life. This was 2 weeks after they overturned Roe v Wade and I truly didn’t think I’d be properly treated. You are a master with words and this post hits home in so many ways. Now I have my 5 month old rainbow baby and I sat here crying at your post. Thank you thank you endlessly for all that you do. Give Teddy extra kisses from us!
I loved it.
I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again- your pregnancy after loss got me through my pregnancy after loss. (I got pregnant with my son two months after losing a baby girl at 21 weeks.) You articulated a lot of the pain I felt so much more gracefully than I ever could.
I’m reading this a few days after finding out one of my friends just had her third miscarriage. I wish we all knew we didn’t have to suffer alone.
I absolutely loved reading this Kate. Your point about changing who you tell the second time around really hit home. I had a missed miscarriage just before your loss and some people in my life responded in the worst ways possible: platitudes and unsolicited advice about supplements to take despite having zero trouble getting or staying pregnant with either of their children, to name a few. Those people didn't find out until the birth the second time around and I have no regrets. Reading this while cuddling my 18 month old back to sleep has made me feel all the more grateful and cozy in our little bubble. Keep the writing, and the adorable Teddy photos, coming! 💕
I am so looking forward to more and more of your motherhood essays. Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable with us all. ❤️
This love baby carriage idea really helped me understand why this is so. Freaking. Hard. For me. I think my friends who haven’t experienced it avoid the topic for sure, but I found myself questioning if I am overreacting even amongst my friends who have had miscarriages and gone on to have healthy babies. They seem moved on while I feel stuck. It feels good to know I’m not alone ❤️
Love this and holding space for all the feelings. If you are up for it I’ll read anything you publish here - and hope you do write more here.
You have me in tears about how women saved you. I know we can be all up in each other’s business too much sometimes but man, sometimes we are the only ones noticing when things are going off the rails with our sisters + friends 💕
I’m so glad that you’ve shared all of the nuances of your story here. We share some commonalities - the experience of having to end a profoundly wanted pregnancy, of being subsequently bewildered and enraged by the culture of silence around this topic in which I’d been raised, and of generally being disillusioned with the oversimplified “love-marriage-baby-carriage” narrative. There are so many other initiations worth writing into, celebrating and unpacking besides that, and I’m so grateful that our generation of artist-parents is more than willing to dig into this work.
Thank you so so much for sharing this! Beautifully written and made me cry, especially that picture of Teddy with Cuppy at the end (probably not helped by my 37 weeks pregnant hormones).
I swear Teddy is one of the cutest babies I've ever seen. I love every picture you post of him!
This is really beautiful, Kate! I had a missed miscarriage at 19 weeks on 2/22/21. My son being born in July 2022 made me grieve that miscarriage all over again because I think I finally realized what we missed out on. Don’t get me wrong - I grieved the loss in 2021 too, but it felt more abstract then. We were open about the miscarriage when we were going through it - and we heard a lot of stories about other people’s miscarriages, some from expected places, like my husband’s HS students’ parents. I spent a lot of time reading everything I could find on the internet about other people’s experiences of pregnancy loss as well, and all of this made me feel less alone. I’ve appreciated so much you sharing your story along the way.
Up all night...crying reading this. Such a beautiful piece. ❤️
This is so beautiful, Kate! Thank you for so beautifully sharing your experiences. I cried reading this several times, for you, for memories of my own pregnancy, for a recent loss. It is so relatable and so important. Thank you for using your voice in this way!
Your words about everyone's experience with loss deserving to stand on its own, void of outsiders speculating on the validity of our emotional response, is SO VALIDATING. I experienced a chemical pregnancy (positive test, pregnancy was lost at before 6 weeks) and I feel like I will often caveat this experience as not a “real” miscarriage, despite me still thinking about that lost maybe-child nearly 6 years and 2 living, healthy babies later. I’ll sometimes refer to my “three pregnancies” to my husband who will invariably look a bit confused for a second (since we just have the 2 boys), and that always stings a little… but then I’ll chastise myself for letting it, or for making it bigger than what it was in light of how heartbreaking other women’s experiences with loss can be. But in reality, that lost pregnancy was ‘more than just a short time’ for me, and hearing you green light my feelings was something I didn’t know I needed. Thank you for always sharing with us! It helps more than you know!
Thank you for sharing this (and everything else that you share!) I had my first baby in December and had a surprise induction turned c-section due to preeclampsia at 37 weeks. I had a BP cuff because of your recommendation and otherwise might not have known when to call my doctor and go in and I hate to think about what would have happened had I not gone in when I did. Thank you for sharing so much and for encouraging us to share with the women in our lives too. What you do is so important!
Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Kate. It is a privilege to read your words about motherhood as I navigate my own experience (Rowan turned 1 on Super Bowl Sunday). I waited to share with most people until I was 14 or 15 weeks and if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant again, I think I will tell more people sooner because of all the things you mentioned in this essay. Looking forward to hearing more from you. And can't wait to meet you on Thursday!
So beautifully written it made me cry, Kate!! And I can’t agree more on not suffering in silence!! I had my son just a few days after you had Teddy and have been loving all your motherhood content - please keep writing/talking about it!! And excited to see you Thursday!